December, NO WAY?

Holy Cow-- it is December... I mean really December! Time just got away from me. This will be a quick post but, Liss, I want you to know it is for you--since you emailed and said "post already..." I think I forgot my blogger even existed.

Quick update:

Things are good--I'm chronically tired but they are still good--beginning to wonder if I will ever catch up.

Ran a half marathon last weekend, haven't ran since but i'm gonna do another. Training starts soon--hard core. I did well but there is always room for improvement. I finished 4th in my age group and 93 out of 364 overall so for my first no complaints..

I'm pulling out the snowboard tomorrow---wow already... anyway jumping back on the learning curve.

I spent the month of October and November learning how to mtn. bike.. think I was actually getting the hang of it.. anyway.... Daniel is cleaning and I have papers strung across our bed---something is very very wrong with this picture for a friday night.. I must go jazz it up.

luvs!

squander

with every shade of sadness comes happiness
with every shade of comfort comes loneliness
what every shade of enlightenment comes disappointment
with every shade of chaos comes peacefulness.

What this blog is all about is life.. life to the fullest. It is really funny when sometimes you think you have everything and you still find missing pieces. Let me rephrase--all the pieces are there they just aren't in the right order. what goes where is what I question tonight. What is this all about? I find myself asking over and over and over again.

All I know is I must keep on chuggin... eventually what comes around goes around and what goes around goes away. This too shall pass.

3 Aspects of Liberation:
1. detoxifying the mental, emotional, spiritual garbage that we all inherit
2. returning to our own humanity
3. Transforming our institutions and ourselvs to full realize our human potential

- I can't remember where I grabbed that from...

Ears Ringing AGAIN!!!!!AHHHH

Okay so the pictures remind me about what to write. My apologies that it has been so long. Life once again is in the fast paced lane. Anyway, These are pics of Mt. Evans- what a fun day. We started our journey about 3:45 from Colorado Springs up to Idaho Springs to meet everyone at the base of the 14er at 7am! I wasn't sure what I had gotten myself into but it turned out to be good! I made my way up most of the mtn. with Daniel (he did slow up for me a bit), Scott, and Jake. Not far behind us was Erin, a new awesome friend i met from the cycling world in boulder! Although, this i the crew in the picture, a girl Jodi also made her way to the top. The descent though is what I have to say was the best part. Somewhere, out of nowhere, I decided I wanted to move and move I did. The three hour climb took roughly 50 minutes to descend and I hung on to Daniel's wheel 3/4 of the way down then Scott and I took turns leading and pulled into the parking lot maybe 30 seconds or so after Daniel. That is something i'm excited about. I think the bumping and falling and falling and falling and falling some more on my mtn. bike made me really appreciate my wonderful road bike! haha

Prior to the Evans Climb- I joined D for his roommates wedding in Kansas City. I flew out Saturday at 6am and back to Denver on Sunday by 1pm.. Now that is what I call a quick turn around. The wedding was fun, but quick! so the pic below is D and I at the reception.

Daniel's mom came out for a visit on Labor day and we headed up Pike's Peak, unfortunately not on bikes--which aren't allowed-- no fun! Anyway, it is quite the drive--i'll def. have to put more pics up about that soon. This is a picture about half way up maybe, the temp had dropped 35 degrees or so from bottom to top. bbrrrr rabbit!

oh the shrine--daniel blew up the shrine. I can't remember who's shrine it is but it was at the top of cheyenne mtn. this picture is hilarious and i'm betting daniel will be so excited that i put it up. haha!



well i could ramble on forever tonight about how stressed i feel--hence, my ears are ringing again. internship is good and i certainly got what i bargained for. i'll go into that in more detail when i have more time to post. mtn biking is coming, well...kind of.... i'm learning how to control my temper right now. sometimes i just want to throw that bike and my body down a cliff--it is frustrating. I like it, don't get me wrong but i want to be good at it.. i mean GOOD and i'm not right now--i'm a beg. and everyone knows how well i do with that.

okay must sleep.. muah good night!

oh la la --thats the new bike!!!!

Hi Everyone!

I hope this post finds you all well, healthy, and happy!!! I'm a bit anxious right now because I start my internship tomorrow, but I'm oh so excited at the same time. I think being back into a routine where I have a fixed schedule will be sooo good for me. After my year and a half hiatus of working different times different days, having classes that met all across the board, and substituting, in the mix with lots of days off--I can't wait :) Wish me luck!

Here are my adorable nephews, I miss so much already! Since being back in Colorado I feel like the time has flown and also i haven't gotten much done. I've been out on my mtn. bike a few times but mostly bike paths to the park for the dog and a fire road leading up the res. to take the dog swimming. It is okay though- I'm just getting used the feel, which is significantly different from my road bike.

lets see.. after throwing quite a few temper tantrums about my training I've starting to rethink the entire marathon thin g. I really really want to run a marathon and with the way that my breathing has adjusted and the way my legs feel- I know I can do that. However, my feet still do not seem to want to cooperate, which is extremely frustrating. Not to mention I've been working on increasing my run time--running faster and as the miles build for my marathon I find myself running more endurance and slower..i get erked! so, as of now I'm still training but my running is down to three days a week due to this obnoxious ache/pain while running in my right foot (yes folks that is the one that was injury free--blah)... we'll just have to see how it goes. In the mean time though, I hopefully will get to spend time on my bikes and lifting.

I think that is all I really need to get the pooch to the park to play some frisbee and then need to get myself to the gym to workout and them home to organize for the job that i start tomorrow :)

Oh recommendations: I am tired of my same old songs on my ipod and now that i have itunes going i'm up for any good songs to run to!! Any--suggestions?

I will be sending out pictures of our "child" soon! haha, I never thought i'd be "one of those" that treated their dog like a child but truly he is!

Have a great week :)

shiny and new!

back from NY and i have a lovely new mtn. bike sitting here in the living room with me! yay!!!!

pics of the bike and from home to follow, but for now--off to class.. yeah- one week summer vacation starts at 8pm tonight!

more running miles=more bike thoughts

The longer my runs get for my marathon training the more my feet hurt! Awhhh it even hurts to walk in my comfy sandals today. I can do it i can do it i can do it.. .......

But anyway this comment may shock quite a few of you... the more miles my marathon training picks up the more and more i want to be on my bike and the less and less i can actually find time to do so (or well... feel okay to do so w/o completely wearing out my body for my runs) eeekk...
does that mean i'm starting to really enjoy this biking thing? and regret not being able to get out as much?? hmmmmm...

Daniel just might faint when he sees this blog (if he checks it)..

hmm pic not coming up.. can i say i'm sooo tired of school.. i'm taking a break from working on a final exam.. blah

Running in the Rain

So on my way home from helping my aunt unpack today... I found myself on the highway in the obnoxious rain storm that brought me and all the other cars on the highway to a halt. Not to mention, causing a four car accident. I drove not even 5 more minutes and was right back out of the storm. The springs was sunny and warm when I got home. So I changed my shoes, grabbed the dog leash, and the dog and I headed out for a nice 3 1/2 mile jog.. About a 1/2 mile in I thought I felt a sprinkle, then all of a sudden downpour, thunder, and lightening practically on top of us. Unfortunately, our 3 1/2 mile jog was cut short at 1.85 miles (that is only because of the thunder and lightening). It has been so long since I have run in the rain and it felt amazing!:)
When i started my legs felt their usual as of late- dead and tired. As soon as the rain started I felt like I would be able to hold a 6:30 min. pace for ever. I had a blast jumping over puddles etc. Now those are the times I like to remember.

I can't wait to be back in NY... Less than a week and I get to see all my lovelies from home!
It will be a packed trip per usual. I have my family to spend time with, I get to hang with Heath and Ellie on Heath's big porch for lunch and cocktails--oh did I mention it overlooks Seneca lake (awwhhh water). I've got plans for a wine tour :) Always super fun and fancy :) I've got a wedding shower! Of course I cannot go home in the summer w/o hitting up the waterfront. I will bless you with pics soon---and probably whine about having to leave the lake front but Colorado isn't a bad place either and.....year round has much more to offer.

Let the good times roll!

Hi everyone... oh this thing is annoying me already.. I'm not sure why it is underlining and I can't get it to quit! eekkk..
oh well..




Anyway, yay it stopped! I'm sorry it has been ages since i've posted and right now i'm once again procrastinating on school work! One month to go and classes will be over! another semester down. I'll only have one class to finish up in the fall--isn't that exciting :) So where did I leave off on my last post--so much has happened and so little at the same time! hmmmm

My parents visit:
ma mere and ma pere came out the end of may to visit and brought our wonderful dog.. We had a great time but go figure--it rained everyday they were here. We took them up to rocky mtn. national park (pic above) and low and behold, it snowed A LOT.. who knew the end of may?? Nonetheless, it was a great visit!

Classes: classes started the week after they left and completely consumed me.. no fun blah blah blah. So not much to report there except it is almost over :)

the Accident:
Poor D! he went down on his road bike and broke his tib/fib in his shin.. OUCH! it has made me a little more leery of descending now! yikes.. However, he is doing great and has a great attitude even though I know sometimes he gets really bored. We spent about two days in the emergency room and it resulted in four pins and a plate put in right above his ankle. He will go back in a few weeks to get one of the pins removed. hang in there, it will get better:) he'll be a rock star on the hand orgometer (have absolutely no clue how to spell?) by the end of this..

Val and Gordo:
two of my friends from college came out for a PT conference and we got to spend an evening with them- bbq down here at our place in the springs and then bfast in the morning.. do all social events revolve around eating?? I guess most of them do for me now.. But it was great to get to see them. I hadn't seen either of them since college--whoah ages ago.. I'm just now realizing I never got the camera out and took any pictures--man i've been slacking on that lately.. booohooo to me.. fun times though! Unfortunately, they were out the during my hell week, 8am-8pm classes in denver.. that kicked my butt just a little.. so we didn't get to do as much sight seeing as we would have liked with them..

school school school and more school!

Duathlon- i entered my second duathlon and finished three minutes faster (1 hour 41 minutes)!! yay! My time improved on both of my run sections which is really exciting.. guess my marathon training, although has been slow, it is surely paying off.. however, i increased my time by a minute and 20 seconds on the bike---ggrrrr. I guess that isn't too shabby since i had only been on my bike 4-5 times since the last one in may! eeekkkk.. Overall, I finished 6th in my age range :) fun stuff!!! I don't know why i love to putt my body through almost 2 hours of rigorous workout but its fun..

okay so..i'm going to clean the house and get back to work!

one more month then i start work--wow a consistent real job! scary!

The Best Pup Ever!!!

Hi Folks,
Thought I would write a quick update while I am waiting for my hair to dry and the post office to open. I hope you are all doing well. Things have been busy to say the last. My three weeks off from school are flying by (I start again next week, ugh). However, it has been fun.

Daniel and I headed to Moab, Utah so I could take a beating trying mtn. biking. A beating I did take... It started off okay until I had to maneuver through rocks and such then I started crashing and crashing I did... It was fun though and I'm smiling in this pic at the end of the ride so I guess I survived. Above is a picture of the canyon lands. Daniel and I camped right off of highway 128 along side the river. We had a very secluded camp site that was super cool. We did a bit of road riding, mtn. biking, trail running, and some hiking.. Fun stuff!

After making it back do Colorado Springs (ended up being about a 7-8 hour drive)!!!
I had two very quick short days off and my parents arrived. It was my dads first time visiting Colorado. The trip was pretty leisure. Unfortunately, not being to familiar with the southeastern part of the state yet, I felt a little lost myself trying to play tour guide, not to mention it rained EVERY afternoon they were here. Go figure, it hardly ever rains in CO. Oh well. We did a bit of sight seeing and driving from the car, checked out seven falls, and bbq most evenings. Their last night here we headed up to Estes Park and hung out in a cabin. We checked out Rocky Mtn. National Park---snow snow snow and more snow--they got about 2-3 inches of snow. However, it made the elk seem that more impressive!

I wrapped up the morning and said goodbye to my 'rents over b-fast then headed out to do some hiking with the new pooch! He is a fetching machine! Below is a picture of the best dog ever! He is adjusting... I have absolutely no complaints. It is actually nice to be greeted at 6am by a dog nose and a wagging tail rather than an annoying beeping sound from the alarm. He has a bit of difficulty with a leash, as he was never leash trained. He actually does better off the leash.. So most of the time it isn't a problem--I'm going to have to get used to jogging still with a leash and such.

not bragging...just excited!

I am only posting this because I am sooooo excited about it..

The 2007 results from the barkin' dog duathlon are in and....

I got 8th place out of my division 24-29 years old

and 183 overall--out of all males and females (even elite) 437 athletes total!

exciting... :)

http://www.racingunderground.com/milehighduseries/results/msresbarkin07.html

Barkin' Dog Duathlon

Hi Hi Hi...

So i'm feeling great right now. Today was my first ever duathlon.

I was out of bed this morning at 4:45 and on the road heading to denver by 5:15am! I thought "what am i doing?"....

I had no clue what I was suppose to do, nor even knew how to hang my bike on the rack at the transition station but by watching everyone else and acting like a pro that had done it 100x i survived! yay!

The duathlon consisted of a 3 mile run, 18 mile bike, 3 mile run. I ran my first 3 miles at a pace of 7:55--not too shabby--I'm getting there. It took my legs the first mile to warm up that is for sure! I then frantically changed my shoes, threw on my helmet and jumped on my bike..ran my bike to the line in cycling shoes and jumped on.. The three mile run was a GREAT warm-up for my legs on the bike.. I felt great! I passed a ton of people, and no-one passed me! yay! I didn't see a single girl in sight, I was flying high! Then...... I put on my running shoes and tried to run and... my legs did not want to go... so a lot of the people I passed ran passed me at that point! haha

I had a great day and feel soooo good! if anyone has any inclination to try one i'd highly recommend it.... I won't say it isn't hard but challenging is fun...

Heath

How May already!? where did the time go. I have not been on blogger in forever it seems. I haven't shown my face in a while partly because I don't have anything significant to report and secondly I have not had the time.

School is winding down yay! I didn't handle going to school full time as well as I thought i would but in order to get through it I guess sometimes ya just have to do what you have to do. I've had a tough transition from Denver to the Springs. Not that the Springs is bad, because its not and its beautiful.. However, I'm working four days a week down here, and driving up there approx. three nights a week for classes. It is taxing on top of actually doing the work. But...no classes for three weeks, after I finish this dang final! Also, my practicum experience (what I refer to as work and really should call volunteer or slave labor..haha) is almost over as well.

I'm going to miss my district lots, just as much as I miss all the families I used to work for in Denver. But life is being called in yet antoher direction. I'm starting with a new district down here in the fall and am very excited. Although it is only internship, I will be paid--not full salary but I cannot complain about the package I made out with. I'm excited and nervous but they have got a lot of new initiatives put in place so.... it will all be good!

Other than that not much to report. The picture from above is when i was home in March.. That is my cute little pudgy nephew! I'm his favorite aunt! haha... I miss my family lots.. I'm headed to Moab next week for three days to try my hand at a bit of mtn. biking--fun stuff.. i'll post pictures of my bruises and scratches. My parents are visiting for the first time the following week :) and we are getting our dog :) sooooo........... should be fun!

HOpe you are all well.. until next time enjoy the beautiful summer weather.. i'm headed back to my final examination..

workout to say the least!

Daniel and I and our landlord, Debbie, and her friend, Chris started at that itty bitty little parking lot you can barely see down there and headed up this path! yikeS! haha nah it was a lot of fun but have to admit I took it pretty slow when the railties got so far apart, height, wise that it was pretty much the length of my thigh. Fun times though just another new adventure i wanted to show you about. First vistor to CO Springs gets to experience it with me... who's in?

birthday thanks!

I have the most wonderful friends and the most wonderful boyfriend. Thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes yesterday and the gifts! You all make me smile!!! Ellie- i loved the singing keep it up you'll be a star someday- heath- thanks for the text!!! Adge- thanks for the card!!!! Kyle- thanks for remembering!!! My family- thanks for the cards, money, wishes etc.
Em-I can barely smell the flowers because my head is sooo stuffed but they are oh so pretty to look at and I'm sure they smell beautiful!!!! I love you guys!

So I couldn't have asked for a better birthday yesterday. The sun was shining, it had to have been 70 at least! I got out of a work early!!! Daniel took part of his afternoon off so we could hang together.
I got breakfast in the a.m., I headed to practicum, I went for a jog, then met Daniel here and went hiking! After our hike we headed to a really fancy rest. for dinner.. Yummmmmm yumm needless to say I ate way way way toooo much but it was ohhhhh soooo goood! Satisfied happy and loving it all I thought that was a pretty good bday present in and of itself. However, stached under our pillow when i got home was a spa day too!!!! What a great boy! I am spoiled sometimes :) wink wink!!!!

So all of you mean so much to me and I appreciate everything! My life is filled with smiles because of you guys and I can't thank you enough :)

My Laundry List of Places I Want to Visit:
Vanua Levu, Fiji

Thailand-

Cape Town, South Africa-

Bhutan-

OH...Nepal, back to New Zealand, Greece....Argentina, yada yada yada.. I will continue to dream!

Bad Hair Cut

Yikes, so I took the plung again and cut my hair shorter. I was cute but alright when I left the salon two day ago.. since then it is awful!!! I can't make it do anything and..... it requires so much time I want to screammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!!!!! awwwhhh so I guess I'll be pulling what little of it I can back for the next few weeks till i grows out.. I will have to take a picture AFTER I have figured out how to do something with it.


Good news!!! My best friend got engaged this weekend :) yeah!!!! I'm so happy for her.. she is sooo sooo sooo sooo happy! It is great to see:)

Lastly, I've come down with this awful head cold that turned into a chest cold this morning. We have absolutely beautiful weather and I'm stuck inside. So might as well make some use of it and go do some school work... 2 months left... yeah

how do you wear your 'stach....

My Mustache.... (handlebar?)

Brings all the......(Movie Star?)

Girls to the yard!!!!! (or... PORN STAR?)

cleaning out my inbox and had to post this!
what kind of mustache do you wear!?

An Inconvenient Truth

http://www.climatecrisis.net/


Hey ya'll first I want to say I miss my bestests from home soooooo much! It is so good to hear from you all through email/phone etc. You all mean the world to me!!!
You make me smile :)

Lastly, you all need to watch the movie "an inconvenient truth"
I tell ya even though I fell asleep the last 15 minutes I think the world should watch it!!! It is really good and kinda scary what we take for granted!

WATCH IT!




smiles the sun is shining and i'm staring at a huge mountain !!!
Happy Monday :)

BANG BANG BANG

I AM DOING WEIRD THINGS!!!!!

Helllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So i'm telling you what I'm going to bitch, seems like i've been doing a lot of that lately. I've never felt this before in my life not when my car was stolen, not when my foot was broken, not when I didn't have a single ride to work... NEVER!
Anxiousness!! that is going on.
I'm frequently anxious- and I hate it.

I'm sitting here looking at a to-do list that is miles long- is it unaccomplishable? No, most certainly not! so what is my problem. Why does it seem insurmountable.??
School is creeping into every aspect of my life! Every stinkin one and I don't like that either....
I'm doing things or taking issue with things that I never have never would have every phased me.

Second- my grandparents asked me to order tickets for them to Las Vegas and returning from Tahoe/Reno... well i ordered them two one ways -FOR THE SAME DAY! to save them money i didn't get trip protector.. well that was a mistake cause their trip to vegas gets in at 11pm and they fly out of Reno at 6pm ON THE SAME DAY! that will be a fun trip for them. I spent 16 minutes on hold waiting for a Delta representative to answer my call and 12 minutes on hold for a orbitz rep to answer my call ! AT that point i hung up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my phone bill can't handle that! (or I can't handle that phone bill)..... so i'm feeling absolutely horrible that i am going to cost my grandparents a considerable amoutn of time and money to fix their vacation!? soooo sadddd....

I was at a conference on monday and walked into the guys bathroom (luckily no guys were in there) proceeded to the stall and then suddenly realized their were urinals on my right.. I RAN OUT!

wow.. so bang your head here- what if i started doing that in this coffee shop- i may feel better and be more portrayed as a weirdo! I spent the night at a friend's house in denver last night and had BAD dreams all night long.. (at least they weren't like yours Liss-) They consisted of me not getting an internship, of my best friend in the whole world moving far far far away, my boy breaking up with me and..... failing out of school---not that is anxiousness.. WHAT THE DEAL? ... i just want school to be over, i want to get home from work- go for a jog, go for a hike, relax run my brains out till i can't think or breath!! I don't want to worry about his list of to-dos that seems to be accumulating..

I WANT TO CLIMB A STINKIN MOUNTAIN. I WANT TO START ROCK CLIMBING AGAIN. I WANT TO HELP CHILDREN IN NEED. I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE. I WANT MY EFFORTS TO BE WORTH WHILE.... I WANT TO RUN A MARATHON. I WANT TIME TO TRAIN AND NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT TAKING THE TIME TO DO IT. I WANT TO LOOK FORWARD TO THE WEEKENDS- THE ROAD TRIPS I USUALLY PLAN ON THE WEEKEND. I WANT A PAYCHECK SO I CAN DO THE THINGS I WANT TO DO- SO I CAN GO SHOPPING....

i'm thinking i want to cry!!!!!!!!!!!!! blah!!!!!!!!!!! okay Large- and that's my bitch session for the day...

surprisingly i still love life.. no worries there and i'm going to accomplish everything i want in due time. I guess this is important for me to realize taht sometimes certian things have to come first. Next year (2008) when I have every holiday off, my afternoons free after 3:30 and my weekends to do what i want AND MY ENTIRE SUMMER OFF.. OH YEH THAT WILL BE FUN! :)


By the way-- happy heart day ya'll! MUAH!!!!!!!
yes, i think i'm still normal- at least as close to normal as I can get ;)

Panacea

......a remedy for all diseases, problems, or evils: a universal medicine
......the goddess of healing

Panacea.....running....

weird, this I know. This is my word of the day! How are you all? Feels like quite a long time since we've chatted and probably will be some time before the next...boooo

So on the agenda- I just need to talk about how good I felt after I got out and jogged yesterday. I swear it is the cure for everything for me. I didn't feel so good after I finished- cramps, stomach pain, ankle soreness but I felt like I could eat ice cream last night w/o feeling tooo guilty and... actually woke up and ready to get out of bed at 5:30am this morning.. wippieeee.. usually it has been has of late me rolling over to this rather obnoxious beep and slightly wimperining "Daniel, make it stop...Make that sound go away." Not this morning... nope, one snooze button and that was all.. up rip rearing and ready to go!

Okay enough about my tangent.. I think this is important and gooddddddd....

"Right Now"
by Ralph Marston

Stop for a moment and calm your thoughts.
Let go of your anxieties and look around you.
What do you see?

You see a world filled with beauty.
You see a life filled with possibilities.
You see dreams being born,
being nurtured and being fulfilled.
Yes, there are challenges.
Yes, there is sorrow.
Yes, there is violence and hatred.
But more than these is love,
there is goodness, there is joy.

The future is uncertain.
And that means there's no limit as to how
beautiful and joyful you can make it.
Yet what you have is right now.
And right now is completely as it should be.

It is your time to live.
Think of what a precious thing your life is
and how truly blessed you are to be experiencing it.
Right now.

Right now, any anxiety you may have about the future
is only an illusion.
Let it go.

Let it fade away as the beauty and perfection of
right now wash over you.
The best thing you can do for the future
is to live with everything you have in the present.
Right now, you are in a position to create real,
lasting positive value for the world in which you live.
How do you do that?

By follwoing your heart.
By being the you that is really you.
You may have wandered away from yourself.
Now is the time to come home.
You know in your heart that you're here for a reason.
The pain you feel is that purpose, that reason for living,
as it constantly aches to break free.
When it does, you'll be move alive than you ever could have imagined.
Breath in the beauty around you,
the beauty and richness of being alive.
It is your gift.
It is your fortune.
It is your blessing.
And it is yours, to live, to experience to fulfill.
Right now!

What did you read?

STRESS--BAD NEWS!

so anyway, first maybe I should stick my foot in my mouth and apologize for my previous post. I've debated taking it down but that is what was going through my "crazy" head at the time so I'm not going to. I want to make it known that I know I have support!
sometimes even meaningless comments can hurt, and i over reacted just a bit. however, i'm still going to admit AT THE TIME that is the way I felt.
I know stress is getting the better part of me and I'm not sure why. I've always been one to be on top of things and right now i'm going crazy not having a job and feeling like i'm pulling my own weight. on the other hand- school is busier than heck and..... practicum and internships are eating me up! yikes... i don't want the next few months to be wished away because i'm hoping the semester will end..
i guess i need to sit back and not be anxious about the future- go with the flow- and live in the moment!!!! okay.. so since i'm doing that i'm going back to this dang nabbit philosophy statement.

good news for the day- we gained two more minutes of daylight today! ONe in the morning and one in the evening!!! YEAH!!!!

"Reality Check 101"

I blog today in green because.... Green is life. The color green signifies abundant in nature, growth, renewal, health, and environment. Green also has an ugly component- jealousy or envy (Green-Eyed Monster) and inexperience. So green, not only my favorite color, but "green" and it's definition fit this post well.


Lets start with the "ugly" side of green. Envy- spite at the success of another.... Ouch, harsh! I wouldn't exactly say "spite" but I would say difficulty. I'm proud of any and everyone else's success, truly I am. I am also happy for people, and still am when they accomplish something, get better at something, etc. But it is difficult, especially when that success feels like it comes between people, segregates them. When it is at the cost of another.... Reality check #1 this weekend! I'm not the best with words when they come straight out of my mouth. I am better when I have time to think, process, and explain. My explanation is exemplified through this post and hopefully it does not get me in trouble. However, this blog is about my feelings and experiences, is it not? So I'd be doing anything other than being truthful and sincere if I posted one of my usual bubbly upbeat blogs...wouldn't I?

So the weekend.... It was fun as always, and i'm one step further ahead snowboarding than I was before. But the reality of the situation is obviously my gains are not "good enough," or so that is how I feel. Now, I'm well aware that that is not what was meant nor is meant, but...nonetheless that is how I feel and I can't particularly hide my emotions on this matter. I've had my setbacks before....I felt the burden of struggle to get back "on top" for lack of a better term, but I HAVE ALWAYS DONE THAT. Never however, have I had others "give up on me" or .... tell me "the reality of the situation is." So.... it was confirmed yesterday and then again this morning in a phone conversation on my way to the springs. Yes, I appreciate the honesty of everyone; I in no means want anything less than honest but nonetheless it stings- but these are the stings we need to endure sometimes, need to hear sometimes, i guess..

My reaction to this is complicated it includes: hurt, anger, disgust, unwilling to budge, motivating and again at the same time unmotivating. If ... everyone is going to tell me the reality of the situation is you've had two knee surgeries and a foot surgery in the last 6 years and you CAN'T go like you used to.. to stop living in the past (which I by no means feel like I am doing)... then what is the point of setting goals?

CAN'T that is a strong word; a word that almost makes me want to give up or throw up one of the two..... a phrase that makes it difficult to keep trying.. If people are going to make excuses for me, then why don't I just start using those exact excuses myself? that is the question I ponder with today. My next statement is "bull shit (pardon my French), those are not excuses and I REFUSE to acknowledge them as excuses. If I do- that puts me in such a place that i'm setting myself back before I begin! It is telling myself "why try?" Why try, when these barriers are in place? that is asinine. I've never been one to not try. On the other hand, I think ..... it is used in a way to be nice- to explain (in blunt terms) "you suck"- in nice terms: "well your having difficulty because you've gone through this..... and so on and so on!"

I'll also say I've never been one to have my feelings completely and ultimately hurt and if they have been, I surely do not let onto that. This time though is different, amongst my tough girl attitude is this- hurt. A hurt that I cannot pinpoint- yeh I want to be strong, yeh i want to prove some points, yeh I want to prove everyone wrong but on the other hand I want to admit that I'm hurt and I don't know how it can be fixed. I know it can be fixed but I'm just not sure how??

By no means am I preaching that I'm an "angel" or a "victim" in this situation. I know that I take my frustration out on others at times- I know I work others up at times.... Let me just state that. I know that is not the correct approach and I don't mean to do it, sometimes my frustrations are just out before I know what has happened. It is only because I expect more of myself, I expect the best of myself and I expect what I am capable of... let me repeat that WHAT i AM CAPABLE OF and nothing less. I know what is out of my realm and I know what i'm capable of--so when I don't perform to my extent of capability, yes it frustrates me because it isn't OKAY in any sense of the word!

This weekend just sucked because the reality of all of it is that it now is not longer going to be enjoyable to go with people unless i know i can keep up with them. I'm always going to wonder now- who am I am going to annoy? Who am I going to hold back? Who's weekend/day am I ultimately going to ruin?..... So...Enough said on the bad part of green.

To the positive! Green is made up of what I signify...Nature, environment, growth, renewal, and health. It isn't a bad thing that I'm now on this path- the path of renewal. I know where I am... I never not knew, so I'm not quite sure why this weekend it was such a shock to my system....I guess it just isn't what I'm used to. I hate the fact that I want to show ...show a lot, I have a lot to prove- it just stinks that I'm determined now to do it all on my own. However, I guess you get the ultimate satisfaction when it comes from you and you alone- comes from inside you. I also want to mention that although I harp on this weekend, it was not this one isolated situation, nor was any one person in general- I've been told this by a few now and so it just builds up after time and this is the result of the "final framework."

On a much lighter more exciting note- I stood up on the rollers today and also spun with no hands. I've been working on this for maybe two weeks now... it wasn't long maybe a good 10-20 seconds each time but... it is progress and it was several times. Not sure why i'm bringing this up because... I know there are people that have done it quicker and better but at least I did it! I'll continue to work on it amongst the obvious other "weaknesses" i have..

Below are awesome pictures of Mindy, Matt, and I snow shoeing! It definitely was fun! Should hopefully lighten up this post immensely. Also, a picture of the "real" Heather--space cadet!!!

Okay so this is moi in the back of Matt's cop car! He was giving us a ride home so we didn't have to walk- I didn't get arrested. I can't get the snowshoeing pic up but will for sure soon! Adios!!

Sunscreen!

Taking a super quick 5 minute breather from applications then headed to a mtg. chhhhaaaabing! not sure where I am going but hoping that my mapquest directions get me there.

so a few things. I hope you all had a wonderful xmas! I know mine was much different from most years but nonetheless good!

My new years resolution....(after some long thought!) is ...........
to live in the here and now- the today!!! so this is my goal for the next year. I've gotten really caught up in my setbacks and i'm not sure why. the last broken foot put a toll on my fitness level and my self-esteem. I want to be where i was and i'm not gonna get there unless I start small so... i'm sucking it up and starting small..

some of you may remember this song (esp. if you graduated in '99)... it popped in my head today and I thought i've got to look up the lyrics and take some advice from it.. so here is what i'm taking with me for the next year!

"If I could offer you only one tip for the future..... my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

• Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….
• Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
• Do one thing everyday that scares you
• Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
• Floss Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
• Remember the compliments you receive
• Stretch Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
• don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

• Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
• Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.
• Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
• Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on.
• Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
• Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.
• Respect your elders.
• Don’t expect anyone else to support you.
• Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it."