Bad Flippin Mood and it feels strange

I am in such a bad mood today. First off, we can chat about how I never went to bed last night... hmmmmm grrrrrrr crankyyyyy bout that. Then we can chat about how my purse got stolen in Monarck, my own fault .... nonetheless, I'm never setting foot in there again.

Luckily, I had only two credit cards in there and neither had been used. However, I also had my check book so I have to wait to Tuesday to change my entire flippin account again. I had to do this when my car was stolen back in Sept. so.... I can tell you from experience it is a big pain in the ass.

Among other things was a decent chunk of cash- I will never see... A friend's hat, I was suppose to mail back to NY, a pay check, my digital camera, a coach wallet, okay a fake one but nobody knew that.. My flippin license and a ton of other ID, my insurance cards, a ton of business cards with names i needed, and..... a bunch of other random cards like AAA, and such... what a pain? Some people suck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Blah...

I am working on a credit watch report as we speak.. I hate to say it but it is actually kind of freaky. I never carry my soc. card and the one time I do have it with me my purse is stolen. someone is walking around right now with my bank card, my checks, my id, my soc. card, a credit card, several cards w/ my name on it, the keys to both my apartments and to my car.... It might not seem so bad if I have slept but I officially have been up for around 30 hours straight or something like that... I also haven't been able to eat a single thing today and it isnt' because i'm hung over. it is because i'm so worked up that my stomach just keeps doing flips.... dang I can't function like this at all.... I am going for a walk with Karie and then taking some nice sleepy medicine and praying i make it through the night...

finally..... i got some pics up!

t9 the left.. Carm, Me, Nicole.. dates for Mindy's wedding!!!
This is Minday and I... she is such a beautiful bride!!!
This is Carm and I from Mindy's wedding!!! soo fun!!!



why i am posting I do not know. I'm tired, it is late, i shouldn't be up. I have to work tomorrow.. yikes pikipes! I am trying to upload pics of mindy's wedding and drink some water.. okay lots of water but neither is working right now.. I must sleep.. i feel sleep coming on.. I am drinking this entire pitcher of water before I go to bed. I am soooo dehydrated.. yikes!

on your mark get set go ready go lets go!!!!!!!!!!!!!

scaling back whatever?! haha.
I awoke to feel me bouncin around the room..-- that is the only phrase that can describe it today! I woke it a spectacular mood feeling great at 5:45am. Not sure how considering I fell asleep at midnight in my bathrobe and woke up at 3am to put on pjs, get some water and read a bit... I feel like I slept great though.
then I threw my leg over the side of the bed and felt how sore I was from lifting and running red rocks last night and it felt even better. I love being sore. My hammies aren't screaming today yeah!! However, my quads def. are letting me know they got a workout!!! that makes me happy.
I threw on running shoes for a quick 20 min. jog this am and now i'm showering and headed to the new apt. to find clothes. Yes friends, I have a few clothes here and the rest in boxes and bags at the other place----driving me up a wall.
i'm going to pick up two dressers tomorrow night! yeh!!! So it will be much better after this weekend..
okay shower, new apt., target, nanny, gym then it is Nicole's all white party tonight!!! let the festivities begin.. I flippin love summer :)

Smiles all around!

The only thing constant is that nothing stays the same....

This is what I can't wait for again this summer... camping trips all over the state!!! whoot whoot!
to the left are the friends I have to put up with on a daily basis.. This was the night of my birthday downtown!


Hiya guys!!!

So I have to admit I'm debating on scaling back the blogging. First off, I don't have too awful much to write but secondly, does everyone really need to know about each and every little detail. I dunno?

However, I'll fill you in now. I have some of the greatest friends. It is so funny who you meet along life's paths. My friend, Clint, and I sat outside tonight on his front porch and talked the shit over two fat tires. Even though I'd never admit this to him, he has become one of my good friends. He just doesn't need to know his status yet.. haha.. But really we talked about their neighbors, about his dog sammy, about the dog I was suppose to get, about lacrosse and regis, about school and life in general. I have a lot of friends but there are few I really consider "good friends."

As for me, nothing and everything has changed. I'm still stubborn old heather trying to make my way in a world of confusion and fun. the path life leads you down is a amazing, really one moment your at point A and the next your at point B. That is what I really love about life-you just don't know where it is going to take you and the only thing you do know is that you are in control of your own feelings and nobody else's. Weird, I sound like a psychologist or something?? haha.

I couldn't be happier about life in general right now and maybe that has something to do with me kicking my own behind on the beautiful set of stairs at Red Rocks tonight but I feel great. Yes, a little sore but still great. I love working out and I love being outside in the evening in the summer.... I couldn't ask for a more fitting job! Even though my school program is in the air, I feel as though everything is going to lead to great things.

Sorry for my obnoxious optimism tonight. I'm not sure where it has come from. It has been since last August that I've felt this confident, sure of myself, and on track again! haha, my foot didn't win nor did any of last year's events.. I told you all I would push through!

Now it is 11:36pm my alarm is going to ring oh say in about 5 1/2 short hours! Tomorrow will be my last day of nannying... sooo sad :*( I am going to miss that cute lil guy bunches!

As for you all.. good night!
Heath

Buck-up

So folks, I've come to the realization that I've been in denial about my foot for quite some time now.. It isn't getting better, it is getting worse. The physical symptoms oddly enough aren't really showing it but I now have this shooting pain up my leg when I step down on my foot when I attempt to run. I feel it may have something to do with Friday's 7 mile run.. The last 12 min. Of my run I just cranked up the volume on my mp3 player and pretended the throb in my foot wasn't there.

I've tried to pretend my runs are hindering from other things but they really aren't... SOOOO what does all this mean. It means I need to get my butt back in the gym and get my strength up. I've been neglecting that area, actually I haven't done any strength training really since I broke it back in August--sooo it has been almost a year since i've been on a consistent program. I am the weakest I ever remember being right now... I have decided that there will be no long runs until... I get my strength back up. I'm starting with 1-3 miles and working on time and I'm scaling running back to about 4 days a week, maybe 5...

I am hoping to still do the steamboat half but I am no longer concerned about my time in it. That will come at a later date--don't worry Daniel- I haven't put away the idea of beating you, I'm just prolonging it so that when I do, I can do it even better! haha..

I won't be satisfied until i'm running a 7-8 minute mile again. In all reality, I won't truly be happy until I am running a 6:30-7min. mile again but that is going to take some time. My record on one mile is 6:20, 3 mile is 20:26, 8 mile is about 60 min. Therefore, I've got some work and it is going to take a bunch of time but right now my goal is to get down to an 8 min. mile pace on 3 miles w/i 3 weeks then i'll work on the rest!

toodles, i'm off to pack, do laundry, and maybe finish moving! OH and I forgot- Liss you'll be happy with this- I think Amy and I found a place to take boxing lessons! yeah, now I tell ya what that kicked my ass three years ago when I was in shape... i'm gonna get a beating!

H

"Joy and Glory of the Climb"

I think that it was Winston Churchill that said something along the lines of:

Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.
Sir Winston Churchill

I need to stick this quote in my car, where I spend the majority of my day. I need to stick one on the computer, where i spend another portion of my day scaling through emails and doing other fun stuff. I need to stick one on my bedroom door. It goes something along the lines with "for every door that closes another opens." As much as I have hated that quote i've believed in it faithfully. I can't turn from that now. I closed a chapter in my life when I decided that I needed to pursue something other than lacrosse. This decision came one random day in Jan/Feb. of 2002, when I decided I was going to leave in June to go to Australia. This decision was spurred by the need for change and also by a friend who was studying in India at the time. I decided at that point there was more to life than lacrosse. What conclusion did I come to while i was over there- that indeed there was much more to life than lacrosse and I needed to stop putting that sport above everything and everyone that I knew and loved.
While over there I fell in love with climbing, loved running even more than i had in the past, loved attending a boot camp class at the gym, loved scuba diving, loved going sky diving and a bunch of other stuff. I swore upon my return i wouldn't let lacrosse consume my life.. but then I did it all over again and worse the second time around.

So what does any of this have to do with the here and now-yep lacrosse. I love it and I can't seem to get away from it. Opportunities keep finding me and then some and i'm afraid to shut the door on them because what if...what if they did work.. Problem being I've also found other things I love and other passions and other people i want to be around and spend time with. I'm afraid if I let lacrosse back into my life, I will let it consume me all over again. I don't know if this is healthy for me at this point in time. then I look at a bunch of wonderful girls that I don't want to let down and I think I could make it happen. I could juggle a hundred and one things and make it work for them... So I find myself caught up with this inner struggle of what to do and what not to do...............................hmmmmmm...

School is yet another piece. Do I take the risk, change my major and pursue something that I am very passionate about or do I follow a path that i have started and see where it leads? Either end has positive outcomes. Either end has negatives.. Both are scary and I constantly ask myself what if I don't like my decision. What if it doesn't give me the freedom to move from place to place? What if, I fail? I'm so scared of failure more than anything else in my life. Who isn't really? Yet, if I am who I am and do what I do, I don't think I could possibly fail. What is hard is my parents did a wonderful job of raising me and they did a wonderful job of always allowing me to make my own decisions. I remember always hearing "you make your own decisions, you accept whatever consequences they may bring, good or bad." I have to admit I may struggle accepting the good sometimes but i always owned up to the bad. However, I just wish sometimes they had this path planned out for me. I am glad and grateful they don't but...man I think sometimes it would make it so much easier. oh well..

This blog post isn't a complaint. I know how fortunate I am to have all these wonderful opportunities in front of me. I just can't possibly juggle every single one of them and i'm not sure which way to turn??? it is weighing heavy. Good thing I've got a wonderful person moving in with me who is very good about just listening to me talk through it all. The answers will come, the journey will be fun.... I need to keep everything in perspective!

Lastly, I'm going to admit something I don't cry, I was taught very well how not to cry and i'm not crying now but.. I swear my tear ducts want to fill up. Frustration, I've used running as a stress reliever, i became addicted. I was told twice (after both knee surgeries) you are going to have to take it easy on the running, you may not be able to run like you used to. Both times I came back strong. The one time I wasn't told that was this past surgery on my foot and the one time my running has totally stunk is now.. The more I push the more pain I feel, the more time off I take the more out of shape I become, or well the slower I get. HOwever, the time off doesn't seem to be helping it either. I'm stubborn really really really stubborn and I tell you what I'm going to win this battle if it is the death of me. I sat in ice baths and ice whirlpools for 2-3 years in college because I wasn't ready to give up lacrosse. I will do whatever it takes to not give up running and running hard! So it is time for me to get some sleep because that alarm is going to start buzzing at 5:30am and i've got some catching up to do! G'night my friends!

oh yeh and I like putting random pics up and realized I don't have one up of my friend Kel. So the above pic is of Kel and I. This is when I lived in Canandaigua, about 6 months before I moved to Denver.. wow, almost two years ago... ccrazyyyyyyyyyyyy..

I am a statistic.........

Hhhhiiiiiiiii!!!!!!

So this morning while I was in the shower trying to figure out when I am going to plan a mtg. with the director of education program at UCD this week, I realized that I have officially made one career change and now possibly a second before I ever started either. Our program is up in the air right now and I am making a meeting to maybe transfer into a master's program at UCD. It is a step down from an Ed.S. but it will take less time and get me in the same place, if not a better one. I'm confused and I may just stay where I am but... I don't know and I want all my options and consequences laid right out in front of me! I want to make a rational, educated decision... okay off that subject, we all have to be a statistic of something I guess?!

Home was GREAT! I love home and I love it in small amounts. Four days was perfect! I got to show Daniel the beautiful scenery. It was fun but we did spend a considerable amount of time in the car. Well worth it though. I even ended up out downtown... downtown, it has been over a year since i've gone out down there. I had a great time but realized i hadn't missed much at all.

I will post a pic or two when I get them. I never used my camera!

Phhheewwwww...

Phew, another semester over! Folks, this one was by far the most unorganized chaotic mess I've ever seen.. By the way this is my second post- i lost the first one at school because the computer didn't allow pop-ups and when i hit temp. allow it erased the entire blog.. i hate that. Anyway, just finished my last final-man two hours and 15 min. of statistics.. no thank you! However, i believe (knock on wood) that I kept my 4.0 just by the hair of my chinny chin chin. HOwever, I don't know for sure and I don't want to jinx it.. yikes! I'm utterly frustrated with our program. Admin. refuses to tell us what is going on and some of us are trying to make life decisions here.. I'm not the only one all in a fissy about it.... oh well what can you do besides sit back and wait.

lets talk about my turgid throat, or well neck for that matter. Surprisingly, my throat is feeling much better. However, my lymph nodes are still swollen as all get up and are sore to the touch. So I keep touching and poking at them.. Smart Heather, Smart! haha. My head is still full and spinning.. I feel like sometimes i'm experiencing an out of body experience or something. It freakin weird.. Everything echos when I talk too.. Oh well what can ya do but push through! I think Liss's term is "shit or get off the pot." I'll be fine.

I'm starting to really enjoy running again. It is getting to the point where i don't hurt as much and it isn't so hard anymore. I've dropped about 5 pounds so that always feels good too! Ten more to go! Whoa. I can't wait to start lifting again!

On a happy note, I am going home tomorrow!! Yeah, it is my second trip in a month and a half. How exciting is that?? I can't wait to see my dogs, my sis's kiddos, lil Zachary, and of course my famille!!! oh, forgot my wonderful wonderful friends--no forgetting here I just saved the best for last! :) It will be a short trip but like always sweet... My friends usually make it worth every single penny :) Cheers guys and looking forward to friday night, which..i said was going to be an early one but we'll just have to see about that if it is raining! haha.. Might make it a night on the town! hoot hoot!

okay time to straighten the hair, run to the bank, go to work till 6:30, run, walk, and grab a beverage at Patrick Carrol's tonight with a long lost co-worker. Up bright and early again tomorrow at 4:15am. Oh by the way when I woke up at 4:30am this morning, I actually got out of bed and... I got so much accomplished. I felt great! I think from now on i'm giving into the fact that i am permanently stuck on east coast time and i'm just popping out of bed. Maybe that is when i'll put in some much needed gym time by myself!!

muah to ya'll. have a wonderful week and a wonderful weekend. .
Cheers!

A birthday Shout!

Happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear Ashers! Happy Birthday to you!!!
muah... Dedicating this post to my most wonderful sister.
love ya and hope that you have a fabulous day! :)

Moss Never Grows on a Rolling Stone!

Moss Never Grows on a Rolling Stone!
Summer is coming and I'm feeling the serious itches to get out and about and to see what this world has to offer. I don't want to get any older. I mean folks 25 is getting up there and I know I'm still young but there is so much i want to do and see. For some odd reason today I have this weird anxiety like..well I can't fit it in with school and work and survive how am I going to make it all work when I have school loans to pay back and a real job. Oh well. Guess I just need to be content with traveling around the west for a couple of more years. Since I am dreaming though here is my list of places to go: Costa Rica, Argentina, India, Nepal, Denmark, taly, Greece, Zealand and Australia AGAIN, Thailand, Bali. For now that sums the abroad up but give me a day and i'm sure i'll have come up with more places. This list does not include what i'm missing out here in my own beautiful country.. Summer time does this to me..

(below) The hair. I have to do something with my hair. I think i'm tired of it. I'm thinking abouts something along these lines -short and colored but i'm thinking dark, not light. Let me know what you guys think about it! hmmmm.. I'm in a wedding in August though and I think I might want my long for that though.. oh decisions decisions.

Smushy Apple...EWWW

No, my post is not about my apple this morning, but it was a catchy title, huh? I'm weird, this I know. However, lets talk about that apple for a moment. I like hard, crisp apples- along with green bananas and hard pears. Once they hit the squishy gritty stage I don't like anymore. So i'm disappointed because...thats my apple this morning.. It makes for a sad breakfast. The only reason I am eating an apple anyway is cause Liss posted that they wake you up more than coffee and.. well they def. are better for you.

Wow, just wasted a paragraph on my apple. Really it shows how much I have to post. I realized another thing this morning- I don't think I like chocolate much, if at all. So I wonder why I eat it like it is going out of style sometimes... hmmmm?? I hate white chocolate, milk chocolate isn't all that great either.. I think really I only like the real small dark chocolate pieces with either almonds or espresso beans in the middle.. hmm then watch out the whole thing may just disappear!

Okay off the food... now to the real subject of my email. Every morning you wake up or every night you go to bed you should ask yourself "what am I going to do for myself today?" or "what did I do for myself today?" if nothing, make it a point to do something for yourself tomorrow. I know I know look who is talking the one person who will pack her schedule so full that she has no time for herself- but i'm trying really hard to find bits of time to just do something for myself. In these times we don't do enough of that!

so... do something for yourself today! That is my advice. For some odd reason i'm bouncy and off the wall but it is GREAT! I think it is because (knock on wood) I am running again.. wippppieee!