When 3rd world meets 1st world.....
This morning I got up and answered a few emails and headed off to the gym. After gym I decided to go for a little stroll and grab a chai latte (which I must say, is better than any chai latte I've ever had in the states). As I was strolling back to my accommodation, procrastinating a bit for my presentation tomorrow, my creativity almost attacked me. I thought of a million things I could write about and I felt so free. Suddenly, I experienced independence again- I felt like me. I'm struggling to find the same words now and wish I had a journal to jot down some small notes with because....an open laptop notebook right now puts me into a mental block.
America- a land of freedom, in the sense that you have an open voice, but you work until the stress runs out your pores. Life is go go go and go some more- which frankly, i'm much more comfortable in. But what I realized today probably isn't always the best. If i'm go go go and on the go some more, I don't have to think... I don't have to know who I am and I don't have to worry about others around me because frankly... I don't have time.
It took me 3 weeks to fall in love with this place. South Africa isn't without its challenges but there is a sereneness here. Apartheid still knocks on the glass house. People don't talk about it, but I feel it. To be safe and be free people live behind high walls, fences, security systems.... Its the only city I have ever been in where you can drive from huge beautiful mansions to Squata Camps where people's houses are made of any type of scrap piece of material one can find. Its no wonder that crime is increased here, from what I can gather there is a reason for it--people are trying to live. Does it make it right- no, but...basic survival needs are not being met. Then welcome to white suburbia.. Not like America's sprawling, no culture, cookie cutter houses- no suburbia in Durban is actually quite nice. I quite enjoyed myself on my walk today and felt complete safe. Its interesting as I compare the ups and downs of places and find myself at peace here. Yes, there are no school year work demands placed on me at the present moment- but does that tell me something as well.... I don't feel like I'm going to work every morning, it plan and simple doesn't feel like work..
As I stopped at the art gallery and bought my chai latte, I asked for a "take away." Happy to complete my request, I know the man behind the counter found it odd. Why didn't I want to sit down at 9:30 in the morning, enjoy the weather and sunshine like everyone else at their tables were doing... well frankly.. I didn't have a journal, didn't have a person to chat with- although I think that would have come, and had a million things on my plate.. However, something occurred to me as I looked around... not a single soul sat there with their nose buried in an electronic notebook- not a soul. some were contently drinking their coffee and people watching, others were chatting in friendly conversation, and yet others were...what appeared daydreaming. I thought to myself.. hmm "this is what life should be like!" yes, we all have to work and make a living- I need that feeling of success.. but on the other side of that coin we need to know how to enjoy, relax...smell the roses. So.. I took a deep breath, fetched my take away and pushed onward toward what I am now call home...
But it was on my walk that surprised me.... I was thinking about tomorrow's lecture... I was thinking about me.. who I am, where i've come, what i've done, and what I want to achieve. I was thinking about how lucky I am and... what things are desperately missing in my search for happiness... or contentedness (for lack of a better term). Now, I'm not unhappy, not one single bit, but their are circumstances that would complete the gestalt.. When you find yourself at such a crossroad its hard to stand their and not pick a direction. You can only wait at that fork in the road for so long.. I'm at my fork, i've been there and just like for the same reasons I decided to pack up and head across the world to Australia, because I was sitting at that fork entirely too long.... so, here I am.. again half way across the world, but my own choice but this time with a purpose- last time to escape and this time to take action. I realize I need to sit and be patient for some time, but I can't sit forever...I must continue on..
As with all my travels I try to take something away from the culture, take something back- a piece of mind, a tradition, a better aspect. When I came back from Australia I was freer, more independent... I have no clue what else.. I guess I realized I didn't have to settle. the world was mine where-ever I wanted to go.. The Australian sense of adventure I guess is what I adopted. I turned down a great job, started applying to graduate schools, didn't get into 2 out of the 3 I applied at, moved to colorado and got in.. destiny worked the way it was supposed to BUT... had I not gone to Australia I am sure I would have never taken that leap.... It taught me to shoot for the stars and even if you miss you'll still be amongst the clouds.
So.. what has South Africa taught me so far. Why has it taken me 3 weeks to fall in love with this place? Well I stepped off the plane and felt a renewed sense of independence. I could do this! I was here!!!! excitement and joy! Then...I felt lonely and today... I felt me again.. I realized this is what I want... I want to travel. I'm intrigued by other cultures- the way others live. I realize the more and more I travel the more and more, I don't like pieces of the American way of life- materialism, live to work, live to be.. yet there are other aspects that I wouldn't change for the world- the security, the freedom....the opportunities.. but we've lost tradition, culture, importance. I was revived the last two weeks in the school I was visiting. Teachers were happy, proud, and for the most part wanted to do everything they could for a child. it wasn't about teacher unions, pecking order.... political.. it was about teaching.. at least from the surface. thats what it should be about!!!
I've quite enjoyed the tea time- I think it is important.. I also quite enjoyed the conversation time... here people may not be as friendly on the front at the beginning but as soon as you get to know them its genuine... versus the U.S. where someone will smile, nod and be over ecstatic about meeting you...then... never hold another conversation with you---fake.. Its interesting!
I sip more tea and think... this computer gives me a mental block... I'm annoyed by the social networking world I realize... at the same time thankful for all the people it allows me to stay in touch with. however, hearing a voice is so much more... When I was in australia I loved the world card- and yes, they have them here.. but I haven't bothered to really find out where because at any point in time.. I can bop on fb and send someone a message... I miss my family, my sister, my nephews and have to think had i not had easy internet access i probably would have made a phone call by now..
enough of my soapbox... bottom line, I felt creative again, something I haven't felt in 6 years... so i must go by a scratch pad and see if in the next week I can put that to good use.. because the answers always come then when you can release your fears, anxieties, burdens and simply enjoy...the answers come.
good night and wish me luck tomorrow- I'm going to try to make the world a better place for someone else!
