Life is a lot of things but life is always searching....

So I went to church today for the first time in FOREVER. I used to go with my mom here and there, never consistently. However, the last few weeks I've been finding a need to go and I'm so very happy I did. It was such a cute little United Methodist Church with maybe 25-30 people there... People were so friendly and open. I felt like I met some amazing people. I think sometimes when you are confused about what you are searching for, or can't find what you are searching for be it love, relationships, education, job, family, etc. We have this need to try to fill that void with material possessions. Something that you think may fill that void but usually only makes it worse. I know for me I dive into work... I just try to fill every single ounce of my time so I don't have to think or even feel sometimes... scary huh? that how you lose track of who you are real fast.

So my void-there are lots of them but probably the main one is someone far far far away. Someone that I automatically let in about 3 years ago and then when I realized what I had done, I shut that person out almost as quickly as I opened my heart. I wasn't getting hurt again and I didn't want to do any hurting again. The final conclusion- we both wondered for a while and I ended up realizing I had lost something I didn't want to ever give up. Now, I am a strong believer in the phrase "everything has a reason" I'm just not sure what this reason was for me but to learn a lesson. A very hard and valuable lesson. You can't always save yourself from heartache, you can't always build a wall and expect to be in this safe little world. The void will still exist. I've moved on--kind of, but i'm not sitting around waiting. However, I still think of him from time to time and wonder "will I ever get a chance again?" the answer is probably no and surprisingly I'm okay with that also. Next little hump I need to get past, is looking for him in everyone I meet. I will. So what does this all have to do with me going to church?

"There are many firsts that we enjoy and celebrate: the arrive of the day's first light, the first falling snow in the winter or budding blossom in the spring, the first friends found in a new hometown, the first friends made in your old hometown. Through these things, we develop an appreciation for newness, changes and community. There are many firsts that we remember: a child's first word, a first job that converted work to pay, the first church member who said "Welcome!" Through these things we discover the promise in conversation and love and labor." -quoted.

Think about it. Wake up and cherish every morning. Cherish your family and friends. Cherish the stuff that money didn't buy you; for thats the stuff that sincerely counts!

Have a great day. I'm going to chill on the couch maybe do some laundry and write my grandma a letter. I'm taking time for myself today ALL DAY! :) Happy thoughts!