so you wonder why on a Saturday night i'm posting....at 10:30pm... well i stayed in to do some school work because i have a ton of papers due next week....psych graduate student--ouch!
lol. however, that isn't why i'm posting.
i have a very difficult decision to make and i'm not sure, actually i know there is no right or wrong answer. problem being is i've pushed myself to the max. not only that i'm not sure if my heart is in it anymore...
this summer something amazing happened. i began working with children with autism and it wasn't until I quit my job in december to pursue school and coaching i realized how much i actually missed it. now, i knew i would miss it but i didn't know i would miss it this much.... and sometimes you just have to follow your heart. last thursday confirmed all of it when i started work again.
so... i can't go to school 15 semester hours, work about 12-13 hours a week doing home programming, work 12 hours a week nannying and another 20 hours a week on top of that coaching... well... it can be done but... i don't know if i want to do it. I have a 4.0 in school right now-nerd i know. I could have done it in undergrad. but didn't. i was very focus on lacrosse and i have made almost all of my life decisions around lacrosse- scary huh? just a little and after... 12 years of lacrosse (9 of playing, 3 coaching) I think it might be time to hang the hat *tear*.. i love our girls and it isn't going to be easy. each and everyone of them are wonderful to work with but...am i doing them a disservice if I can't be there half the time *yeh i think so*
so i'm stuck with a decision i don't want to make and it isn't going to be an easy one. If i stay on, i need to love it and give it a lot of attention and if i leave i need to know i made that decision and move on.... damn this is one of the hardest things i have had to decide. I just wish the girls weren't as great as they are... because then it would make it sooo much easier... but they are a great fun bunch and i will miss them lots.
life sometimes...
now lets talk about the computer. it continues to freeze when the internet is on.. i bought my laptop last october (it is a dell) i had it reformated this past august... blah i have to take it in again.
so i must go now. i need to get up in the morning and finish my paper on ESL students and Assessment testing *any takers?* I have a million things to do tomorrow. eeekkkkk!
so i guess i will leave you with *** GO STEALERS***
"...and to all a good night"
3 comments:
yay! go steelers! anyways though, on the important stuff, i couldn't agree with you more... if your heart isn't in it.. maybe you shouldn't be either. and maybe all that really means is a break. maybe you will take some time off from lacrosse and find two years down the road that you cant live another day without coaching. but it just seems that you have more important things you want to focus on right now. it doesnt have to be a permanent decision, so don't stress too much over it. follow your heart love. : ) cheers!
p.s. - so am i like the #1 fan of your blog or what?! where is everybody? we should just email! ha!
Hey i'm here! I'm just a bad person!! Heath I agree with Lis. Lead life by your heart. Not the best advice but at least you know you won't go through life without feeling anything. I would 'hang the hat' so to speak for awhile. Life is full of choices and if you decide to go back to it you totally can. But one thing is for certain. Don't push yourself so hard. I"m sure Lis and I can both account for the fact that that is easier said than done but just make sure you are enjoying everyday for what its worth and your not working too hard to plan for what might come.
blah, lotta words but its always nice to think outside the box. plus I miss you and I wanna hang out and I'm thinking that I might try and plan a reunion this summer. Not for this summer but just plan it this summer. I'll let you know. :)
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