BANG BANG BANG

I AM DOING WEIRD THINGS!!!!!

Helllllooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So i'm telling you what I'm going to bitch, seems like i've been doing a lot of that lately. I've never felt this before in my life not when my car was stolen, not when my foot was broken, not when I didn't have a single ride to work... NEVER!
Anxiousness!! that is going on.
I'm frequently anxious- and I hate it.

I'm sitting here looking at a to-do list that is miles long- is it unaccomplishable? No, most certainly not! so what is my problem. Why does it seem insurmountable.??
School is creeping into every aspect of my life! Every stinkin one and I don't like that either....
I'm doing things or taking issue with things that I never have never would have every phased me.

Second- my grandparents asked me to order tickets for them to Las Vegas and returning from Tahoe/Reno... well i ordered them two one ways -FOR THE SAME DAY! to save them money i didn't get trip protector.. well that was a mistake cause their trip to vegas gets in at 11pm and they fly out of Reno at 6pm ON THE SAME DAY! that will be a fun trip for them. I spent 16 minutes on hold waiting for a Delta representative to answer my call and 12 minutes on hold for a orbitz rep to answer my call ! AT that point i hung up!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my phone bill can't handle that! (or I can't handle that phone bill)..... so i'm feeling absolutely horrible that i am going to cost my grandparents a considerable amoutn of time and money to fix their vacation!? soooo sadddd....

I was at a conference on monday and walked into the guys bathroom (luckily no guys were in there) proceeded to the stall and then suddenly realized their were urinals on my right.. I RAN OUT!

wow.. so bang your head here- what if i started doing that in this coffee shop- i may feel better and be more portrayed as a weirdo! I spent the night at a friend's house in denver last night and had BAD dreams all night long.. (at least they weren't like yours Liss-) They consisted of me not getting an internship, of my best friend in the whole world moving far far far away, my boy breaking up with me and..... failing out of school---not that is anxiousness.. WHAT THE DEAL? ... i just want school to be over, i want to get home from work- go for a jog, go for a hike, relax run my brains out till i can't think or breath!! I don't want to worry about his list of to-dos that seems to be accumulating..

I WANT TO CLIMB A STINKIN MOUNTAIN. I WANT TO START ROCK CLIMBING AGAIN. I WANT TO HELP CHILDREN IN NEED. I WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE. I WANT MY EFFORTS TO BE WORTH WHILE.... I WANT TO RUN A MARATHON. I WANT TIME TO TRAIN AND NOT FEEL GUILTY ABOUT TAKING THE TIME TO DO IT. I WANT TO LOOK FORWARD TO THE WEEKENDS- THE ROAD TRIPS I USUALLY PLAN ON THE WEEKEND. I WANT A PAYCHECK SO I CAN DO THE THINGS I WANT TO DO- SO I CAN GO SHOPPING....

i'm thinking i want to cry!!!!!!!!!!!!! blah!!!!!!!!!!! okay Large- and that's my bitch session for the day...

surprisingly i still love life.. no worries there and i'm going to accomplish everything i want in due time. I guess this is important for me to realize taht sometimes certian things have to come first. Next year (2008) when I have every holiday off, my afternoons free after 3:30 and my weekends to do what i want AND MY ENTIRE SUMMER OFF.. OH YEH THAT WILL BE FUN! :)


By the way-- happy heart day ya'll! MUAH!!!!!!!
yes, i think i'm still normal- at least as close to normal as I can get ;)